Just Living

What have you done during this COVID-19 lockdown? Have you sewn and donated dozens of face masks? Have you cleaned out your garage, basement, or attic? Have you written a song that satirizes, inspires, or entertains during this challenging time? If you have done any of these things, I give you kudos, but you can stop reading now. This post isn’t for you.

This post is for those of us who are just living and finding that challenging enough.

When the lockdown first started, I alternated between nightmares of loss and dreams of accomplishment. I am not going to go into my nightmares as we have all been haunted by them, and too many of us have lived them. Suffice it to say that they have robbed me of many sleeping and waking moments.

The dreams of accomplishment were how I banished my nightmares. If I was going to be home for days, weeks, possibly months, I was going to get things done. Keeping busy would help me stay sane.

I would still be teaching during the day — and night, as it turns out — but I would no longer be spending two hours each day commuting. Weekends would be totally free. No social commitments? No out-of-town races? No problem. I had lots of things that I could and would do with that newly found free time.

The knitting that I had put down and been unable to pick up after my mother died nearly two years ago? I could see that finished sweater in my mind. I would flesh out that idea I had for a musical and then write it. I would clean the attic AND the basement. I would take advantage of the online course offerings flooding my inbox.

I would reach out to people outside of social media; I would email, call, or send a card to family and friends near and far. I would not waste time playing online word games or getting lost in Facebook and Instagram.

Well, it’s been weeks. I’ve lost track of how many. I have not picked up my knitting. That musical still exists only in my mind. I have not been near the attic and have only gone to the basement to do laundry. I have not virtually visited a museum, practiced my Spanish, or logged onto any of those meditation apps. And I have too often found myself sucked into the vortex of social media and online word games.

I am getting through each day. I am doing a lot of teaching and a little writing. I am reaching out to family and friends and getting out for runs. I am baking and reading. I am going for walks, doing crossword puzzles, and binge-watching TV shows with my family.

I am awed by those who are working on the front lines during this pandemic. I am inspired by those who are accomplishing a lot during this challenging time. And I am accepting that simply doing what needs to be done each day is also an accomplishment. Sometimes just living is enough.